Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
