Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
