I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
