I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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