Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
