The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
True strength comes from lack of pants
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize