Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
