I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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