Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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