well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
