I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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