she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
and you fell through a lawn chair
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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