Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
