Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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