We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
