It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
