guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
