If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
