i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
