I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
