it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
