I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
