her vagina looked like bernie madoff
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
