Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
