I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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