how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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