The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
