whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you had me at cake vodka
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
