no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
