She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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