Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
