True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
