I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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