I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
More tranny stories later!
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
