as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize