She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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