This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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