hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think a kid would responsible me up
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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