and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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