well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
