So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
