Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
