he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
