OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
