Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
