I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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