ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
