party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
