Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
