There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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