i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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