This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
