Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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