I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
