you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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