"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
