the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
foreskin is a definite game changer
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
