Acid is not a monday night drug
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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