Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
