Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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