Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
